I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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