I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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