Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
