do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
