are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
