i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
