Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
