her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize