I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
