like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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