I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
