i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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