He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize