david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
