i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
