Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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