I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
