I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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