Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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