I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
