his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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