dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize