I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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