i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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