You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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