Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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