I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
