i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
