remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I FOUND THE LEGS
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
