how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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