I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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