How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
