Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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