new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
