I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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