I love black thongs
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
