my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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