Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hippo gnu deer
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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