Nicole vs. Life
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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