I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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