I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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