This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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