if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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