Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
