She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
