i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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