I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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