it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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