she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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