I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
