I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
