im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
