I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I still have a little drunk in my system
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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