shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
