and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize