I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
