then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
