i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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