In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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