YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
