wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize