just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Boobs speak an international language.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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