Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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