Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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