We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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