My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize