I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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