and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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